Tuesday, April 01, 2014

Second fool, once removed

"I think there's been some foolishness in the refrigerator. ... Go check for me, ok."

Boy opens refrigerator and runs from room crying.

"How could you think that was funny?" he screams accusingly.

He is in tears. Barely making sense. Something about food trying to eat him in a nightmare ...

"I'm sorry, buddy. I thought you would think that was a funny prank."

He looks up, smiling like a maniac through a tear stained face.

"April fools!"

"What? Really? But. ... those are real tears!"

"I know. I know. I punched myself in the face!"

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Mouths of babes

"Mom! I just flossed. There are no more calories on my teeth."

Monday, March 17, 2014

Joy is ...

107 birthdays ...

Cousins ...

And a bed for bouncing ...

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Power struggle

Don't worry. The dog won.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Of course I asked ...

"Where's the milk crate strapped to the handlebar, and the alien wrapped in a blanket? "

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Olympic dreams

They did it!

They took the GOLD MEDAL!

Our own Three-Beanie-Boo bobsled team!

Wednesday, February 05, 2014

Snow Day

The morning commute was a little different today.

Roads waited for plows. Sidewalks waited for shovels. 

Girls waited for nothing.

A little daring. 

A little danger. 

A lot of joy.

This is winter ...

In all its magnificence. 

Wednesday, January 29, 2014


Oh ... Hi, Hooooman! You're back ...

I thought you'd gone away ... Forever.

I was worried. You know ... because I don't really know how to get food out of all these storage contraptions.

It was a relief that you hadn't eaten all of your lunch when you left before.

Don't worry about that cottage cheese ...

I totally cleaned that up.

No need to thank me.

But you're welcome.


So selfish.

feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

On the menu this evening we have starters, non-starters and apps

There we were, sitting across a square table from one another.

A platter of fun food in between us.

The whole family. In a restaurant. Having a nice time.

As is usual for us, a round-robin of non-sequitur arguments changes the course of conversation as if we were speaking in pinball.

I could tell you how we got on the subject of gun control, but it would take too long, and the bells and lights from the silver ball's awkward trajectory would be maddeningly distracting.

Let's just say Jed sprung the ball into the maze, it dinged off Silas, lit up Annabel and got stuck under my flipper, tilting the whole entire game.

Here's the gist:

"Every state should have a Department of Firearms (just like the Department of Motor Vehicles) that licenses gun owners and registers guns by class. Initial licenses would be awarded after successful completion of written, field and background tests, and renewal would require inspection (periodic background checks).  Furthermore, gun owners would be required to carry liability insurance for each firearm in their possession. Let the risk pools float where they may." 
In other words: Let's just put our cards on the actuarial table.
"Sure, you can have that AR-15, but if you are under 25 or have teenagers at home, it is going to put you in a higher risk pool. Accident or not, you will be liable for damages."

The conversation I thought we were having disappeared. I was left alone with my thoughts as my husband furiously typed away on his cell phone and the kids tried to guess when our meals would arrive at the table.

"You know ... I hardly ever speak to other human beings during the day ... the least you could do is humor me at dinner."

He smiled and handed me his phone:

"Thank you for contacting the White House ... "
"I told them 'My wife has a brilliant idea. ...' Betcha didn't know there's an app for that."